I won a pair of maternity pants off of ebay last night- for $15 total. Then today I won a pair of maternity shorts for $7. I was so excited because I won the shorts at the last minute by a penny!! I am choosing to buy a lot of what I need off of ebay so I can spend more of our money on the baby. I don’t mind wearing used clothes, especially since I’ll only need maternity wear for 4 or 5 months. Building up what I’ll need may take some time, depending on the selection available and what I win. I may also sew some stuff.
But I think I jinxed myself. You know how some people wait until they actually have a baby in their arms until they buy anything in fear that they’ll mess things up? Well, I haven’t even conceived yet and I am buying (a few) baby-related things! I feel creepy. I’m sure my DH thinks I’m nuts but won’t say it. And of course I tested myself today. You can see where this is heading I’m sure….
Well, I had several days of spotting and was sure AF was going to show up. Then it cleared up and for the last 2 days I haven’t had any at all. So I got out the Test and took it as soon as I got home from work. Negative. Even ten minutes later. My calendar shows that it has been 14-15 days since EWCM, so I think I timed the test right. So I wonder what the spotting was for? I spotted last month too. Hmm. I am thinking low progesterone maybe? Didn’t I read about mid-cycle spotting or something once?
I guess I will be starting cycle #3 any day now. If not, I’ll test again. My annual gyn. visit is typically in August. I’ll have to ask my dr. about the spotting and whether she thinks I am even ovulating. All in all, my spirits are still pretty good. I am keeping myself busy and trying not to become too disappointed yet.

(Memorial Day)
I just got back from a romantic little getaway to Lake Corpus Christi State Park. It was a surprise trip- I had no idea where we were going until we got there! My DH made all the preparations himself! We had lots of fun swimming in a beautiful lake and hiking to a nearby dam. We played with beach toys and grilled hamburgers and s’mores at our cute little one room cabin. It really was a great trip and we laughed a lot. For example, we forgot to pack any shirts for Darrell. And I had to pee in a pickle jar (don’t ask). Darrell made a funny comment after we saw a poor woman running into a bathroom to be sick. We guessed she was having morning sickness. He said, “She’s going to call Ralph on the big white phone.” That struck me as hilariously funny!
On a more serious note, I have been spotting the last few days, so I think cycle #2 is on its merry way out the door. I’ll soon know for sure.

Today was a good day at work. Sam was in such a good mood! At one point, he crawled up to the chair I was sitting in and pulled himself up to standing. He grinned a big slobbery grin and held out his hands for me to pick him up. I cuddled with him for a minute, gave him a few kisses. Then, he laid his head on my shoulder and went to sleep. Big sigh! He is so sweet! 🙂
As we were gearing down to go to sleep last night, Darrell pointed out to me that his initials are the same as the DH (Dear Husband) used on many baby diaries. I never realized this and thought that it was very appropriate. And I loved how he was the one to notice. I am pleased because I am the one who wants a baby so much. He wants one or two someday, but he had to be convinced (to put it lightly) that now was a good time. I guess he really is thinking about it and planning it in his own way. Grin.
My DH is so sweet (must be the phrase of the day—see above)! I set up my guestbook yesterday and he made an entry today. He doesn’t want to intrude (though I tell him he wouldn’t) on my private writings so he doesn’t want to read the entries yet. He says he might after we have the baby. It was totally a surprise that he did it too. I had only casually mentioned that I had set a guestbook up. I didn’t even hint that I wanted him to write in it! He is so supportive of me and my crazy ideas!
I think often about how my MIL told me recently that she thought we were having problems conceiving (not in so many words). I guess she assumed that after we married that we’d let nature take her course immediately. I guess it was good that we waited a year—now that the year is over!!! I can’t wait to tell her some good news!! I can’t wait to hold my own sweet baby in my arms! I put a baby graphic on my index page yesterday. I am glad I did because it makes me smile every time I see it!! It is adorable!

I am off work today!! A holiday! Today is also the last episode of Star Trek Voyager (Boo!!) and Sam’s birthday. He is 1!! His party is on Saturday.
I took some Pepto-Bismol a couple of days ago. Trust me, I had to take something (grin). Yesterday I looked on www.WebMd.com to see what I could find about taking medicine during pregnancy. All I found was an article that said (for my particular problem) I should take Kaopectate instead. Of course, that made me worry that Pepto-Bismol was some horrid drug. I then found a neat site that lists all drugs by their scientific name (but has brand names in parenthesis) and gives what category they are in for use during pregnancy. Apparently the categories go like this:
Category A meds have been tested on humans and used often in pregnancy. They are okay, as far as anyone knows. Surprisingly, I thought Tylenol would be in this category, but it isn’t. Folic Acid is listed here, not much else. Some vitamins are listed both here and in D, depending on how much you take.
Category B meds have been tested on humans a bit or on animals a lot. They seem fine. Benadryl, Advil, Tylenol and caffeine fall here.
Category C drugs have pretty much not been tested at all but still, nobody knows anything about the drug that is harmful to humans. Plain Robitussin is here.
Category D drugs have some evidence of minor harm, but the pros usually outweigh the cons. Surprisingly, aspirin in regular doses falls here.
Category X drugs (imagine bold red lettering) are those that have harmful side effects and are a risk to the fetus. Birth control pills and Clomid are in this category.
My Pepto-Bismol fell into Category C, which I wasn’t too thrilled about. But realistically, it just means that nobody has studied it. I imagine it is pretty hard to round up several hundred pregnant women and say, “Ladies, here is drug Z. We want you to take it 3 times a day and to tell us how you feel. We have no idea what affect it will have on your babies.”
Of course, I tried to look up Kaopectate, since it had been recommended in that one article, but I couldn’t find it. I have no idea what the scientific name is. And there are a billion drugs listed. The web page is www.perinatology.com/exposures/ druglist.htm.
Nothing to report on TTCing. I feel like I normally do now, except for a slight bit of nausea, which I am sure is due to my upset stomach. Stay away Aunt Flo!!

We went to a rock concert yesterday. It was fun. I really like Survivor (“The Eye of the Tiger”). I couldn’t help but think that if I am pregnant, my baby is going to grow up with a passion for rock music!!! The music was pounding SO HARD that surely even embryos without ears could have heard it!!! The thought made me chuckle.
I know pregnant women aren’t supposed to pick up heavy things. I wonder what is too heavy. I am kinda nervous on whether or not I should put Sam up against my tummy. And what am I going to do when I start showing? Won’t the weight press down too much on the baby? What do pregnant women who have toddlers do? I guess I’ll ask the doctor after I find out I’m pregnant.
Not too much to report on the TTC front. If my guess is right (you never really know with me!) I am in the middle of the 2WW. I am hopeful.

Well, last night was a bit of a bummer. The good first: I got a rare sign of ovulation yesterday- EWCM! I rarely get this because I don’t think I ovulate every month. My cycles are very irregular. Of course, my husband picks this night to come home in a bad mood. We go out to his favorite Chinese place to cheer him up. We come home and next thing I know he is asleep!! Turkey!! This is strange because I always go to sleep before him!! Bummer. But maybe we still have a shot at pregnancy this month from an earlier attempt. We’ll see. For some reason, I am really hopeful this month. We didn’t hit the mark, exactly, but at least I have the signs that lead me to believe I am ovulating.
I met (through email) another person who is trying to conceive! Julie has her own great website. Perhaps she’ll allow me to put a link to her journal on my front page. It is amazing that we started TTCing and writing online journals at practically the same time.
Well, Sam has graduated from “NaNa!” (for banana) to “BaNaNaNa!” He gets an extra syllable in there and it is SO CUTE! ! He also uses “Uh Oh!” in proper context too. He’s so smart! As soon as he gets swimpers, we are going to hit the pools! I can’t wait to see how he likes the water. His first birthday party is the Saturday after this one. And it is a pool party!

Well, the answer is no. But, I am not surprised and I had prepared myself for this answer before I took the HPT. Still, I am disappointed. I thought taking the test on Mother’s Day would give me an extra bit of luck. And surely telling my MIL would have been extra nice on Mother’s Day, too. Darn.
I had an extra healthy lunch today. Lots of fruits and veges. The strawberries are wonderful right now. I need to make a determined effort to drink more milk, though. I don’t like it straight very much. We are buying orange juice with calcium added now, but somehow I just don’t think it’s the same.

How many more days? When will I conceive? That is a question that eats at me. If someone would just hand me a little sticky note with one simple little date on it, I would be grateful. My brother Mark’s wedding is this July. I would LOVE to announce my pregnancy afterwards. It will be (should be, had BETTER be) my only shot at giving this special news to my father and brothers in person. Probably my mother too. Oh, I dream of this telling moment!!!! I may have two to three more cycles to try before then. Oh, I can’t wait!!!
Today, I bought the stroller that will one day hold our child. Kind of gives me shivers. No, I’m not going on a baby stuff buying spree quite yet!! I really bought it to help me cart Sam around. He is over 25 pounds and not even a year old yet! He is heavy! I started out wanting a simple umbrella stroller. It had to be tall enough for me, though. I never found one tall enough (except one that was in AWFUL colors). So I spent a little more ($45) and bought a compact, lightweight Graco stroller instead. It is a little bigger, a little heavier, a little more durable and will hold a slightly heavier baby (up to 40 lbs. instead of the umbrella’s 35 lbs.). It will also hold a newborn. You aren’t supposed to use an umbrella stroller with an infant younger than 6 months. That will be useful soon. It has a large basket underneath, a cushy one piece handle (much better than the usual umbrella types), and comes in a nice navy color with a cute blue snails & bugs print on the seat and trim. I love it so far!
My last entry included thoughts on how I need to take an HPT. Well, I haven’t. I guess I’m scared. I hate the feeling of utter disappointment you get when it is negative. I am at the point where I should be Bding this cycle anyway. I’m guessing here, with my wacked out cycles. I wish I had a fertility monitor so I would know for certain, but they are so expensive!!!! I am still having the abdominal cramping/ tightness. And I feel bloated. But I have no telltale signs of tiredness or sore BBs or anything. Maybe my whim will bring me to the HPT aisle in Wal-Mart soon. Maybe not.

Today was a pretty good day at work. Sam was in an awfully good mood. Isn’t that a funny expression?! He was so adorable. I love how he says “NaNa!” for banana and “NiNi!” for Night-Night. He just learned those two a day or two ago. Days like these make me feel good about trying to have a baby. Then, there are days like yesterday. A very long day coupled with some baby tantrums (read: screaming at the top of his lungs and thrashing wildly) makes me doubt my decision. Sometimes I doubt myself even on a relatively good day. I also worry about the money stuff. I REALLY want to stay home and be a housewife. Go to playgroups and stuff. Lillian, Sam and I tried out Gymboree last Friday. Boy, was that fun!! Sam loved it. There was so much stuff to play on and so many interesting mothers and kids. My favorite thing was parachute time. I have bad days, but mostly, I just plain can’t wait to do stuff like this with my own child!!!
Well, my period was very light and short this time. Six days is strange for me. Usually I am 7 or 8 days, sometimes even 9. It seemed to be all old blood too. Dark, none of it was really red. Makes me wonder if maybe, possibly, I am pregnant. Then I tell myself, “Yeah, right! Give it up! You had a period—move on to the next cycle Jen!” I am 95% sure I am not but if I am pregnant, the blood would probably signal that something went wrong. I think I bled too much and too long for implantation bleeding. Well, maybe I’ll test one day soon and see anyway. I need to have some tests around anyway. I wanted to take ibuprofen the other day because my back was giving me some trouble. But I wasn’t quite sure enough about my period to take it. Also, my biggest worry, is that I still get cramps. Days after my period stopped. I know that isn’t right, but no way is any baby big enough to stretch me out enough to feel it!!! Unless I am growing Super-Baby!!!